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ALL OR NOTHING Author: Nikki Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don’t own Sands, he belongs to Robert Rodriguez. If I did own him I would be sure to dress him in that cowboy outfit or that black outfit that reminds me so much of a male dominatrix. I don’t own the song that inspired this story (before it became smut), it’s owned by O-Town (I think) or at least their record company. Summary: You’ve been living with Sands for a year now and you’ve finally reached your breaking point. He’s never around, when he is you never leave the bedroom, you need more than that, you deserve more than that. You want it all or nothing, he either becomes more like the man you originally fell in love with or you find another. Pre-OUaTiM. Author's Note: I was inspired to write this story while I was listening to my old O-Town CD (yes I still listen to boy bands from time to time, they have some of the best love songs in my opinion) The song All or Nothing (which happens to be my favorite from them) came on and I just started writing. Originally it was suppose to be angst with only one sex scene but that changed has I continued writing and the finished product became this. It is only a little angst but not enough to dominate the story. I also don’t know if the CIA gives monthly check ups, I assume they do some kind of check up on their agents but if I’m wrong I’m sorry it fit into the story. * * * * * I’ve had the rest of you You were sitting at the bar closest to your apartment with six empty shot glasses aligned in front of you. The bartender had tried to hit on you when you first took a seat on the stool but after one fierce glare, he decided it was safer to leave you alone. He comes by again after you signaled for him to give you another shot. “That makes seven, sweetheart. Are you sure you can handle it?” the bartender asks in a condescending way. In response you throw back the shot of tequila, letting the alcohol warm its way down your throat to your stomach, and then slam the glass on to the bar almost hard enough to break. With another awed glance, the bartender walks towards another customer muttering under his breath about a woman scorned. Oh boy, was he right in a way. You were a woman scorned, you were sick and tired of being walked all over and taken advantage of. Especially by your almost always absent boyfriend, who showed up when his work allowed for a marathon of sex and then left the next morning before any real conversation could be had. At first you understood that his job came first, after all he had it when you first met. But the thrill and excitement of your man being a CIA agent and probably the best one at that, overruled the cons in your mind. As time wore on it began to lose its appeal, now the thrill became worry of whether or not you would see him again. You wonder if one of those mornings as you laid in bed basking in the afterglow of the amazing sex you had the night before, watching Sands pack his bags to leave you once again it would be for the very last time. Sands was never the perfect or ideal boyfriend. From the very beginning you knew this; he could be an asshole at times when he didn’t get his way. He was a tad bit psychotic and that was an understatement. Domineering and manipulative when he wanted to control people so they would do his dirty work. But he did it all with a charm that only Sands possessed. That charm and his sense of spontaneity was what had you agreeing to a second date with him. But after a week of dates he had finally gotten you into his bed and since then it seemed that that was the only place you two ever were in when he was in town. The dinner and dancing that would almost act as foreplay for the two of you had suddenly stopped the moment he asked you for a key to your apartment. You, being naďve and blinded by love, had given it to him believing that some how this was his quirky way of wanting something more then just sex. You down another shot as you come to the realization that the key was only used at the beginning so he could enter the apartment for a quick fuck whenever he chose to. It wasn’t until later that he had fully moved in. It wasn’t always this bad, you reflect as you desperately try to remember the good aspects of your relationship. You didn’t know if you were doing this to defend Sands or to justify why you allowed yourself to be mistreated for so long. But it was true Sands had his good qualities, after all, you fell in love with him and it obviously wasn’t for the things that were upsetting you now. He always made you laugh and he made you feel special. When you were with him you were a completely different person and you had grown too really like the woman you became around him. His confidence fed yours and made you prouder of who you are and what you’ve become. He cherished your body with his lovemaking and his words. He told you every chance he got how beautiful you were and how he was glad you were only his. Sands’ spontaneity hadn’t dwindled since your relationship started. On occasion he still surprised you, usually with the little things that mattered the most to you. He paid very close attention to detail and knew your likes and dislikes even if you never told him. On those mornings before he left you he would make you breakfast in bed with all your favorites. He would wake you with a kiss, tell you to take care, and then he would leave. Sands would call you whenever he could, he said it was for the phone sex but you knew it was to make sure you were ok. He never knew if someone from his dealings would come after you to get revenge on him and he always worried about it even if he didn’t say it out loud. You could see it in his eyes that sometimes gave him away. As you drink yet another shot, you think back to what led you to be at this particular bar on the night you knew Sands was returning to see you. He had called you last night to tell you that he was flying home and he would be there this evening. At first the conversation was fine and you were excited to see him again because you had missed him. But then he said that he was dying to touch you, that he missed being inside you, that he wanted you waiting for him on your bed with nothing but the sheet on you. Here you were missing him and all he missed was your love making. Sure you miss that too but you miss more then that, you miss his voice, his presence, his smile, his beautiful chocolate orbs and the safe feeling being in his arms gives you. You remained silently seething while listening to his words. You refused to be at his beck and call for once and rebelliously left your apartment an hour before Sands plane landed. But not before leaving a message for your love. You would have paid good money to see Sands face when he came home and made his way to your bedroom expecting to see you waiting on your bed and instead finding a bottle of lotion and pornos with a note from you that read ‘You’ve got your hands. Go to town baby or go find one of your other ‘friends’.’ Yes, you knew that Sands wasn’t faithful to you, it wasn’t a big secret and he never tried to hide it. At least you could take a small comfort in the fact that he never tried to insult your intelligence. You swore that if it wasn’t for the fact that you loved him and had never loved another before him you would have dumped his ass a long time ago. You know that you deserve more, someone who’s more stable, more affectionate, who is around more when you need him. Unfortunately, the heart is the only thing you can’t control. You fall in love without choosing to or being able to choose who. As luck would have it, you just happened to fall in love with someone who was probably all wrong for you and didn’t love you in return. ‘C'est la vie’ you think bitterly as you swallow back more tequila. You weren’t sure if your anger towards yourself or your anger towards Sand was causing you not to feel the affects of the alcohol but you knew for sure tomorrow once you were calm you would certainly be hung over. But this thought didn’t stop you from ordering another shot. By the time your next shot was brought over to you, a man had sat down next to you and appeared to be trying to figure out the correct way to hit on you without you turning him down. The bartender gave the man a look of astonishment for being brave and stupid to approach you and went on to his other customers. When you finish your next shot you let out a growl of frustration and wait for the bartender to come over again, all the while ignoring the interested stare of the man next to you. “Just leave the bottle,” you say once the bartender stops in front of you. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, sweetheart,” the bartender says eyeing all the glasses in front of you. “I’m not paying you to think, I’m paying you to let me drink,” you retort and sigh with relief when he places the bottle on the counter in front of you. You pour the amber liquid into one of the glasses and almost moan when the liquid goes down your throat. “You sure do know how to drink, little lady,” the man next to you says after finally working up the courage to talk to you. ‘What kind of stupid pick up line is that?’ you think, ‘And little lady?’ You mentally shrug before turning to the man. “Yes I’m quite proud of the fact that I can drink any man under the table,” you say with a fake smile. “Well I’m not to sure I believe you, I think you’re going to have to prove it to me. What do you say to a friendly competition?” the man says smiling, revealing two dimples on either side. The man was not at all bad looking now that you focus on him through your alcohol-blurred eyes. Still, you weren’t interested in his short spiky blonde hair and piercing blue eyes because all you wanted was long silky jet black hair and soul searching brown eyes. You shake your head to rid yourself of all thoughts of Sands. The man mistakes it for a negative response to his question. “I’m sorry, would you rather be left alone?” the man asks politely. Getting up to leave, you stop him by placing your hand on his arm. If you were going to stop thinking about Sands you need a distraction. And that distraction came in the form of this man. “I’m up for the challenge. Are you sure you are?” you ask with a bit better smile. “Oh I’m up for it,” he says sitting down next to you again. “I just hope you’re not one of those men who hates losing to a girl.” He chuckles before offering you his hand. “I’m Kyle,” he says as you slip your hand into his while you give him your name. When he releases it you pour the two of you four shots each. “You don’t want to start off slow?” Kyle asks. “Why you already afraid you can’t win?” you tease. “I just thought that I have an unfair advantage with you already having a head start with so many shots.” “Don’t ever count out the underdog,” you say with a smile and down your first shot at the same time he does his. You both go down the row and drink all your shots. Occasionally, Kyle coughs because of the strong taste but you have already grown use to it and it doesn’t bother you. “More?” “Sure, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” Kyle asks with a smile. “Something like that,” you say as you pour four more shots for each of you. You continue this game until you finally start to feel the effects of the alcohol. Kyle seems to be effected by it too since he’s currently slumped against your chair whispering in your ear. “Would you slap me if I kissed you?” Kyle asks his words floating over your mouth. “I don’t know,” you reply honestly. “Oh well, it’s a chance I’m willing to take.” Kyle leans forward and you close your eyes, expecting to feel Kyle’s lips on yours but nothing happens for a few seconds, you open your eyes to stare into two very dark and angry eyes that you recognize instantly. You stare back defiantly with not an ounce of guilt in your own honey eyes. Neither one of you breaks the tense silence that has settled over you. “What the fuck is this?” Sands finally asks through gritted teeth, trying to regain his cool. That’s when you break the mock stare contest and notice Kyle on the floor. You move to help him up but Sands intervenes and grabs you by the arm turning you towards him so you once again face him. “Leave him where I threw him and answer my question,” Sands says with calmness that you know is just a front. “It’s a bar, Jeffery, it’s not as if you’ve never been in one,” you say sarcastically, deliberately provoking him. “I know what a bar is, thank you. I would like to know what it is you are doing here instead of being at home waiting for me, like we agreed,” Sands says growing angrier. “Correction, you agreed, I never said I’d be waiting for you.” “Who is this guy, ( )?” Kyle asks standing next to you. “Her boyfriend, who the fuck are you?” Sands says stepping towards the guy but stops when you snort in disbelief. “He only remembers that when it’s convenient for him,” you say tartly as Sands stares at you like he’s seeing you for the first time. “Is this what you do while I’m gone? Go around bars, fucking other guys?” “I figured since you do it, why can’t I?” you lie just to goad him. You figure if he really cared about you it would bother him, the same way it bothers you. You knew it was childish to play these jealousy games but you need to know where you stand when it comes to this man. “So this is what, some twisted revenge?” “Call it what you want but maybe if you were around more I wouldn’t have to look for what I want in other men.” Sands lets out a humorless laugh. “I never took you for one of the whores I’ve fucked before but I guess you’re just like the rest of them.” The slap you give in response was heard around the bar and made Sands’ head jerk back. You wait for him to face you again and feel a tiny bit of satisfaction when you notice the red hand shape forming on his left cheek. “Fuck you, Sands. I never want to see you again. Go ask one of those whores to warm your bed,” you say holding back tears and walk calmly out the bar, not wanting to cause more of a scene then you already had. Sands watches as you leave, then takes the Tequila bottle you had been drinking from and walks out after you. He catches up to you two blocks from your apartment and pushes you up against the side of a building. Before you can even protest his lips are on yours in a searing kiss. At first you try to pull back and fight the feelings his lips awake in you but he wraps both arms around your waist until his hands rest on your lower back and pulls you closer to him, not leaving an inch of your body untouched by his. Not being able to resist any longer you give in, kissing him with as much intensity as he is kissing you. Once Sands feels that you are no longer resisting he brings his right hand up to your face and tilts your head back allowing him a better angle. His tongue runs over your bottom lip until you open up for him. His then begins to duel with yours in anger, all of his feelings pouring out into this kiss. When you feel like he is trying to dominate again you break the kiss by biting on his lower lip causing a painful pleasure to course through him, making his member twitch to life. “I thought I told you I never want to see you again,” you say while pushing him away from you. “Come on, sugar-butt, you know I don’t listen to what others tell me very well,” Sands says with his trademark cocky grin. “Well I don’t care if you don’t follow orders or play well with others; I meant what I said I don’t want to see you again.” “What the hell is wrong with you? You weren’t like this yesterday when we talked.” “I hardly talked; you did most of the talking. And do you know that throughout that whole conversation not once did you say you missed me or you can’t wait to see me. It was all about ‘I’ve missed being inside you’ or ‘I’m dying to touch you’,” you say letting it all out in the open once and for all. “I was, I still am dying to touch you and be inside you,” Sands says taking off his cowboy hat and moving a little closer to you, he stops in his tracks when you scoff and move back. “What do you want from me? A proposal?” “No, I never asked for a marriage from you nor did I expect it when we started this relationship and I use that term loosely. What I want is someone who appreciates me not just appreciates what I do in the bedroom.” “Sugar, I appreciate you.” You snort in disbelief. “Jeff, we are so far past words now,” you say taking another step back away from him. “What is that suppose to mean?” Sands asks with an arched eyebrow. “What I’m trying to say is that your words mean nothing to me now because your just one giant contradiction. You say one thing and then do a completely different thing. So now I need action not words.” “Sugar-butt, if you would just cool off for a moment I could give you action.” Sands smirks. “This is exactly what I’m talking about, you look at me and all you see is a way to satisfy your sexual needs. And I need more than that, I think I deserve more than that.” “I agree you do deserve better.” “If you know this why do you act like you don’t care about me?” you ask. “I do care about you,” Sands says looking you in the eyes. “You have a funny way of showing it, Jeff.” “Why because I’m never here? Is that what you want? You want me to quit my job?” Sands asks almost angrily. “No, I would never ask you to quit your job, I know you love it and I would never make you chose. Maybe it’s because I know I would lose if it came down to that or maybe because I just really want to see you happy and I know your job makes you happy.” “Then I don’t know what it is you want from me,” Sands says honestly. “I’m telling you and if you would only listen for a second you would know. But I know that this entire time while I’ve been pouring my heart out the constant thought going through your head is whether or not I’ll shut up long enough for you to stick it in me,” you say almost shouting before lowering your voice again. “So you’re upset because we have sex?” Sands asks confused. “No, I’m upset because that’s mostly all we do. You use me, do you understand that? You sometimes treat me like I’m a free hooker and I have more respect for myself then to become just a good fuck for you or any other man.” “I don’t think of you has a hooker.” “Then prove it, prove that you care, that you’re not just using me to get laid. Don’t just say the words, Jeffery, prove it!” “I’m not sure I know how.” “Then don’t be in a relationship, if you don’t know how. Don’t be in one because you’re not the one that ends up hurting. I am,” you say. “But I like our relationship,” Sands says taking a step closer to you. “Because it’s on your terms but now we do it on my terms or we don’t do it at all. Relationships are 50/50, Jeff, and I am so goddamn tired of having it be 80/20. I give and you take, I’m not saying that you don’t ever do something nice or that you aren’t sometimes giving, but most of the time it’s me. I want to be with someone that can care about me as much as I care about them,” you tell him sidestepping him before he gets any closer. “I promise to give a little more and to show you that I care.” “Don’t make me promises you don’t intend to keep because all I’ll do is add them to all the other broken ones.” “Sometimes promises are broken because of factors that are out of someone’s control.” “No, don’t start trying to play your mind games on me. I know that sometimes it’s unavoidable and you can’t do anything about it but the other times you just don’t want to do anything to keep them.” “I want to be everything you want me to be but you can’t change people. Life doesn’t work that.” “I don’t want to change you, just change the way you look at me,” you say turning away from him as tears start to gather in your eyes. “You know sometimes you look at me as if I’m the only person in the world and I start to hope that at least some small part of you feels about me the way I feel about you, but then other times you look at me as if I don’t even exist and those are the times I feel that I’m dying inside,” you say blinking back the tears. “I’m sorry,” Sands finally says after a moment of silence, running a hand through his brown locks. You roll your eyes and sigh in exasperation. “How many times have I heard that before?” “I am sorry.” “Sorry for what? For calling me a whore? Jumping to conclusions? Never being around? Using me has a fuck buddy? What is it that you are really sorry for, Jeffery?” “I’m sorry for calling you a whore but what choice did you leave me with your actions and everything you were saying,” Sands begins only to be cut off by your laugh that sounds hollow even to your own ears. “There is always an excuse with you, a way that the blame is not placed on you but someone else. Well I’m sorry too Jeff, because I don’t want to hear them anymore. I’m tired of it, all of it, the excuses, me, you, us. I’m done with it.” You start to walk away from him again and then turn to face him one last time. “You know what I’m most sorry for? That I fell in love with you,” you say before walking away ignoring the many times he calls your name and demands that you come back. You make it to your apartment without shedding a single tear but the moment you close the door behind you, your knees give out and you fall to the floor in a saddening heap. The tears streaming down your face can’t be stopped and you sob loudly, not even hearing your apartment door open behind you. You don’t notice the presence of another until his strong arms are wrapped around you and your face is buried in his chest. You inhale his scent that instantly calms you. Once your crying subsides Sands pulls back from you a little to look at your tear stained face. To him you still look as beautiful as ever but he feels an aching in his chest at seeing you so broken up because of him. It was the some aching he felt when you said that you regretted falling in love with him. He knew what it meant but he wanted to ignore it. He couldn’t bring himself to be as open with his feelings as you are. He wasn’t programmed that way. When you begin to struggle in his arms to be let go, he holds you tighter. “After all this time we’ve been together, you still haven’t realized the more someone pushes me away the more I fight to get what I want,” Sands says in a taunting voice. “What time we’ve been together? You’re hardly ever here,” you say still struggling to be free. “Shh, stop fighting me.” “Stop hurting me,” you reply. “I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to be with you,” Sands says pulling you a little tighter to him. “Then be with me, not just physically be with me but completely be with me. And if you can’t do that then let me go so I can find someone who can.” “I don’t want you to be with anybody else. I want you to be with me,” Sands says pulling back a little to look you in the eye, which places your faces only centimeters apart. “I will live to regret this but I want to be with you too, but not if you treat me like I’m your property or your fuck buddy,” you say turning your face away from him. “I swear things will change,” Sands says putting his hand under your chin and turning you to face him again. “You’re right, they will change because now I’m ready to walk away from all of this because I feel like I’m just wasting my time.” “You are not wasting your time. You think that you’re the only one with feelings here because you can say them out loud. I have feelings too. Why the hell do you think I got so angry when I saw you with that fuck-mook? If I had no feelings, if I was as heartless as you believe me to be I wouldn’t be chasing after you, I’d be finding a whore to warm my bed as you so eloquently put it, sugar-butt.” You are about to interrupt with another retort but he places his finger on your lips, silencing you. “Now it’s my turn, I don’t want to be in a relationship with anybody else, I only want to be with you. And if I have to spend years trying to convince you that I feel the same way you do then I will. I’ll do anything, anything you ask of me, just don’t walk out on us.” You look up at him in shock. He didn’t exactly say the words but from Sands it was never easy to get a confession of his feelings. “It’s all or nothing, Jeffery,” you finally manage to say. “I want it all and I will give you all,” Sands says placing a gentle kiss on your lips. “One screw up and I walk.” “Deal.” “I should keep my resolve and still break things off with you,” you say more for the reason that you didn’t want to give in just yet. “You should, but you won’t because no one will ever be able to make you feel the way I can. I know the way your body works, babe,” Sands says before placing a hot open mouth kiss where your shoulder meets your neck causing a moan to come out of you. “I know just where to kiss you to make you purr. I know just how to touch you to make you scream my name. I know everything there is to know about you.” Sands hand finds its way up your thigh and his fingers take little steps towards your tiny scrap of underwear. You turn the tables by removing his hand and straddling his hips, pushing him back into the floor. “Someone’s cocky,” you say grinding your pelvis into his until you feel the jean-incased bulge grow and a groan passes through Sands lips. “Not cocky, confident. I know what you want and I know how to give it to you,” Sands says before crushing his lips to yours. His lips are warm and inviting slowly torturing you, making you wetter then you already were. You pull his cowboy shirt out of his jeans and begin to unbutton it while his hands travel slowly up from your hips to just right under your breast but to your infinite torture they stop there. You moan in frustration and nip at his lips. He gives you that cocky smirk of his that you’ve grown to love and sits up. “Is there something you want me to do, sugar-butt?” “Don’t play stupid Jeff, you damn well know you have me hotter then hell,” you say and earn another cocky grin from him. “If you don’t stop farting around I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.” “Oh I do like the sound of that, can I watch?” Sands asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes has you get off him and start to make your way to your bedroom. “Baby, you misunderstood me, I didn’t mean I’d give myself release. I meant I’d call that cute blonde from the bar,” you say as you take off your shirt and let it drop to the floor. Before you can take another step your feet are swept off the floor and you squeal in surprise. You look up into Sands face and notice his set jaw. Realizing he’s jealous by that joking comment you try to ease it by circling his nipple with your fore finger and nipping lightly on his neck before soothing it with your tongue. You can feel some of the tension leave his body before he deposits you on the bed. You bounce before his solid weight comes down on top of you. “No one touches you but me, savvy?” Sands growls in a harsh whisper. “As long as the same rules apply for you,” you reply and Sands gives an exasperated sigh while mumbling something that sounded a lot like ‘bloody woman’. “Fine, all right.” “I’m sorry it’s such a sacrifice for you.” “I’ve never been a one woman man,” Sands tries to explain. “You think I don’t know that? I have them thrown in my face constantly,” you mutter sarcastically. Sands lays his forehead against your bare shoulder and lets out a deep breath. “I keep fucking up tonight,” Sands growls. “You’ve had some help,” you admit. “I promise I won’t be with another woman,” Sands says and places the gentlest kiss he’s ever given you against your lips. “And that’s a promise I intend to keep.” “No more talk tonight,” you say against his lips. Sands response is a quick smile before covering your lips again with his. He reaches blindly for the lamp that was on the night table. He turns it on and soft light pours over you. You pull away from him and blink in surprise. "I want to see you, sugar-butt," Sands whispers before pulling you into another heated kiss. He slowly lifts himself off of you. Honey eyes meet chocolate orbs and you notice a predatory gleam in them. You smile as Sands finishes taking off his shirt and watch has his hands move to his always present cannabis belt buckle. He tugs it off and tosses it aside at the same time he kicks off his boots. His jeans were last and he tosses them aside carelessly. You stare at him, drinking in every inch of his naked body. You were thankful he had turned on the light when your gaze lingers on his burgeoning erection. Your eyes travel back up his body and you catch the cocky smirk on his full lips before he pounces on you and drags your skirt down your hips and legs at the same time you unclasp your bra. “Did I tell you how sexy you look tonight? How the moment I saw you in that little skirt and top I wanted you in my arms? You're sin and heaven all wrapped up together. I missed you, more then you’ll ever know,” Sands says in a husky tone of voice. “I missed you too, my rogue,” you say before bringing his mouth down to meet yours. The heat of his erection lies heavily on your stomach and you reach to wrap him in a fist, lightly at first then you squeeze with firm, slow strokes. He shifts from his crouch onto his knees and draws himself upright to look down on you. You smile up at him, one hand continuing to stroke his sex, while the other caresses his hip in slow circles, and then slides around to grab his ass. Sands leans forward a bit, just enough to get his hands back on you. You squirm and arch into his touch, his palms cover your breasts and squeeze, his fingertips draw your nipples into hard peaks. You moan, wanting his mouth on you, wanting to feel him lick and suck. His eyes glitter in the light, a thumb comes up to trace your mouth. You bring his thumb into your mouth and sink your teeth into the pad of his thumb with a frantic moan before slowly licking the injury. Your gazes lock and stay there while you give him a preview of what’s to come. He pulls you to sit up, and wraps his arms around you, your face smothers itself into his flat stomach. You place hot open mouth kisses there, then bend your head lower to lick him, suddenly you engulf him deeply in your mouth. For one heart-stopping moment, he forgets how to breathe. Sands continues to watch you, your mouth stroking up and down his hard member with agonizing slowness, your tongue swirls and licks. ‘Christ but you were good at this’ Sands thinks. His hands slide into your hair and he guides you to the rhythm that gets to him the most, his balls tighten as you rub the back of your hand against him, your fingers nudge and tap upward at his scrotum in a maddening pattern of sensation that was never quite hard enough. It drives him crazy. He thrusts even deeper against the back of your throat and urges you with incoherent words to take him, all of him. You eagerly comply. "I'm going to cum," Sands warns you but you only take him deeper. He cums on a growl and you swallow back all of his essence. Slowly you ease off of him licking at his head before meeting his eyes. Your eyes were heavy with desire when you look up at him, your hands slide up his chest to tug at his shoulders. He comes down on top of you again and you eagerly meet his lips halfway. He rubs his thumb over your clit and you break away to catch your breath. "Oh God…Jeff, that feels so good. Don't stop," you moan. Sands slides a finger into your opening, then another. You rock your hips and cry out your approval. "You like that?" Sands asks teasingly. You only nod yes and bite your lip to keep from screaming. All too soon he removes his fingers and places hot open mouth kisses all over your body. He travels lower and lower until you feel his hot breath against your sex. Sands slowly inches his tongue and slides a finger into you. He presses down on your most tender of spots and you cry out. He slowly tortures you until your voice becomes hoarse with all the screaming. You finally come undone and you squeeze your eyes shut as the pleasure takes over. Sands travels back up and pulls your sated body up to meet him in a kiss. He brakes away after a moment to reach for his wallet but your hand on his bicep stops him. “I need to hear you say it,” you say in a barely there whisper. Sands looks at you for a moment in confusion before it registers in his lust filled mind what you are talking about. “I don’t know if I can,” Sands responds honestly. “Please,” you beg even though you hate yourself for it. Sands leans forward and captures your lips in a soft kiss pulling your bottom lip into his mouth has he pulls back. “I love you,” he whispers against your lips and feels your mouth quirk into a smile. “I love you too,” you say and Sands smiles back at you before reaching for his wallet again. Again you stop him and when he turns to look at you in confusion you smile. “There’s no need.” Sands kisses you gently when he realizes you trust him that much. All the times that you had been together you had used a condom because of his escapades. But now you trust him enough to be inside your body with no protection, enough not to have any diseases, which he didn’t. He knew that because of his monthly blood test for the CIA. Sands slides his tongue into your mouth and tangles with yours as you feel him pulse at your entrance but not fully enter. You were tired of the teasing and in a move that shocks Sands, you turn him over by locking his ankle with your foot. "No more games," you say as you place your knees on either side of his thighs. You wrap your hand around his penis and lower yourself so he can enter you. "Christ," Sands growls when he feels your wetness brush over him. "Are you sure about this?" he asks tentatively. You pause and look into Sands’ eyes. Not able to form words you only nod. "There's no turning back now," Sands whispers before he rises up to kiss your jaw. As he does that he enters you a little more and you gasp in pleasure. "I want this Jeff, just like this. I want to feel you inside me without a barrier. God...I want you," you moan. Sands, hearing all he needs to hear, places his hands on your hips and pushes down. You both moan in pleasure once he’s fully inside you. Sands sits up a little more in bed and you rest your forehead against his. "Oh, Jeff, that feels so good," you moan breathlessly. Sands lifts his head and kisses your chin, then moves down to your neck. He easily finds the spot that makes you scream his name and bites down on your soft skin. You scream his name for the entire apartment building to hear. He guides your hips with his hands into the rhythm he wants. "Oh.God.baby," Sands growls on the edge. He moves his hands back up to your breasts and kneads them again. You arch into Sands’ hands, placing yours on top of his and move them how you want. "Jeff…I'm…so close," you whisper. Sands moves his hands to your back and pulls you even closer. "Come on, sugar, just a little faster," Sands encourages you. You quicken your thrusts and move your hands behind Sands to grip the headboard. You lean back using your arms to pull yourself back up. Sands uses your arched position to his advantage and puts his mouth on the tempting breast before him. "Oh God! Jeff!" you scream. "Let go, baby," Sands murmurs against your breast. You cry out when you reach your climax and Sands soon follows. He falls back against the pillows and you, spent and out of breath, lay limp on top of him. Your head rests over his rapidly racing heart. When Sands can finally move he wraps one arm around you and intertwines the fingers of his other hand with yours. He brings your interlocked hands to his lips and places a soft kiss on your racing pulse. "Fuck it gets better every time. I have never been more satisfied in my life and yet I still want more of you. I want it all," Sands says huskily. "Greedy are we?" you ask chuckling breathlessly. "I want you," Sands says seriously. "You have me," you remind him. "For how long?" Sands asks as he places a soft kiss on your forehead. "For as long as you want," you say. "That might be a long time." "I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifices," you say and with that you both drift off to sleep. Your last thought being that you hope he stays longer this time. You begin to stir when you feel large hands move up your thighs to your hips, they linger on the silky skin of your stomach and then move up to your breasts. You moan as Sands cups them, his strong fingers playing and touching. Your honey eyes open slowly and glint with the remnants of sleep and the beginnings of desire; your mouth twists into a grin. Your hands move to cover his, stroking his large, strong hands as they move on your body, paying special attention to your breasts. Your head falls back as his hands, still covered by yours, begin to stroke a line from the valley between your breasts to the dark soft curls resting beneath the sheet. His fingers tangle with yours, he reaches inside those curls, stroking gently, he grins hungrily at you as your fingers joined together move inside your hidden warmth. His other hand returns to stroke your face, running through your hair, your hand runs up and down his arm, needing to touch him constantly. He continues to stroke inside you and once his fingers are wet, he slides your locked fingers up inside the folds until he finds the swollen bundle of nerves. He lets his fingers stroke the sensitive bud, he alternates pressure until he can see sweat beads on your upper lip, feel your body shake as you strive to control the sensations. You feel the pressure grow stronger as you undulate your hips down onto his shaft, Sands groans. The pressure was divine, and had the bonus of moving your locked hands deeper inside you, causing you to echo his moans. Taking your free hand in his, he brings it to your right breast. You follow his unspoken instructions, your hand massaging the nipple, as his hand moves to do the same to your left breast. He watches your body sway under his, feeling your thighs squeeze him, knowing your close. He takes your other hand, the one entwined with his inside you, and directs your fingers to your clit. He encourages your fingers to stroke up and down the erect bundle of nerves, then to tease the head with a swirling motion. Soon you were swaying to your own rhythm and he grins wolfishly, he watches your hands combined on breasts and deep inside you excite you. He moves his fingers from yours on your clit and moves deeper, moves inside you. One finger enters you, then another. He matches your rhythm, Sands starts a thrusting motion with his fingers, then stops to stroke the sensitive top of the channel, just inside. He knows your there when he hears you cry out as you find satisfaction. The orgasm sweeps through you, your inner muscles pulling his fingers deeper, your thighs squeezing him tighter. He feels a powerful surge of male satisfaction as he watches your body tense as his fingers are massaged deep inside you. Your face is flush and damp and your breasts shake with the shudders that storm through your body. Sands manfully ignores his own need, his screaming urge to pull your legs farther apart and thrust deep inside. Instead he waits as you fall limp against the mattress, your warm body pliant with satiation. When you move again it’s a small motion, you lift your head up to smile at him, you bring your lips to his, and he can’t help but to rock his hips against yours. Your hand moves over his chest and he inhales deeply as the fingers that had been inside you spread your scent over his skin. You pull the sheet off, revealing his straining length. Your hand strokes him, surrounding him and moving up and down the shaft. You inch over to him and start to kiss his chest, your lips single out his flat male nipples. You look down at him and raise an eyebrow, then climb over him, your leg drags against his arousal, causing Sands to grit his teeth as you leave him, laying unfulfilled on the bed, his body aching for you. "Fuck!" Sands growls. "Soon, baby, soon," you say on a soft laugh. You smile, your eyes running over his aroused body. You sit near his feet and run your hands up his legs, separating them. Your nails scorch thin red lines on the insides of his thighs, his head tosses on the pillow as your tongue licks up the already disappearing scratches. Your long hair sweeps along the length of his erection, causing him to call out your name. You leave one hand on his stomach and the other on the bed next to his hip. You lower your head and your lips open wide. At the first touch of your warm lips, his hips piston up. The first touch of your tongue forces a pained groan as you move with him. You open your mouth wider, and let him thrust in while you suppress the gag reflex as best you can. You bring your hands to his hips and push them down, your lips suckling him as he falls out of your warm mouth. "Oh, sugar, that felt so good," Sands moans. You go down on him again, your lips surrounding him, closing just under the head. You change position again your tongue stroking the head, then with a hand massaging his balls. You lick your way down the shaft, the pulse beating strongly. When he begins to thrust up again you ease off of him and straddle him. In one quick motion you take his hard and aching length completely into your moist heat. You raise yourself and let all but the head fall free. With a graceful downward thrust you take him deep, those strong inner muscles clasp and pull him. Again and again, while his large hands support you, you repeat the movement, his hips following yours, trying to stay as deeply within you as possible. He captures your breasts as you roll your hips, your bodies locked together. "( ). Come on, sugar. Now, baby, now," Sands growls. He feels his balls pull tight, he knows it isn’t going to be much longer. He knows he needs you with him, he pulls you tighter to him and feels relief when your head rolls back and you cry out. "Jeff!" you scream. He feels that internal pressure again, and knows you had found your breaking point. He makes one last thrust, his body goes as taut as yours had a breath before, and he follows you into the abyss. When you are finally able to move again you roll off of Sands and lay next to him. You stroke the sweaty strands of hair that fell into his face and smile when he meets your gaze. "That is a wonderful wake up call," you say. "Mmmhmm," Sands agrees and pulls you to him. He kisses you soundly and only pulls away when your stomach growls in hunger. “Well you’ve worked up my appetite,” you say with a mischievous smile. “Then we have to do something about that because I am nowhere near done with you.” “You’re not leaving?” you ask in shock. “Do you want me to?” Sands asks with his eyebrows raised. “God no, I’m just surprised.” “I’m not leaving you until they call to tell me where I need to be.” “Good, then I have a surprise for you tonight.” “Oh yeah? What is it?” Sands asks with a smile. “Uh uh, I’m not telling you, you’ll just have to wait like a good little boy. You can be a good little boy, right?” “I can be a very good boy.” “I’m glad because after last night and this morning I had my doubts.” “I can be a good boy, I just have more fun being naughty.” “And boy am I thankful for that,” you say putting on your silk robe while Sands pulls on a pair of sweat pants. As both of you make and eat your breakfast you talk about things that have happened since you last saw each other. You mainly do the talking while Sands listens attentively. He barely talks of what he’s done since you last saw each other but you know it’s more for the fact that he can’t then that he doesn’t want to. After you both finish eating you gather up the plates and move to the sink. “I have to do these dishes,” you say turning on the water and grabbing the liquid detergent. “Then I can do you,” Sands says with a mischievous smile. "Who am I to argue with such a great plan," you say giving him a sexy smile and a wink. Sands starts to help you when he gets impatient with how long its taking. When the last dish is dry Sands wraps his still wet hands around your body. "Jeff, you're wet," you say breathlessly has his tongue caresses the edge of your ear before pulling the lobe between his teeth. "You soon will be too, sugar-butt," Sands whispers in your ear before he lifts you into his arms and carries you back to the bedroom. A few hours later, you and Sands are lying in bed, his head is resting on the cushion of your breast while your hand runs tenderly through his hair. He suddenly looks up at you and stares at you for a long while almost as if he’s searching for something. “What’s wrong?” you ask cupping his cheek. “Nothing,” he says placing a kiss on your palm and closing his eyes has he rubs his cheek against your hand. He opens his eyes again and looks at you with that same stare before smiling. “You’re beautiful,” Sands says before leaning up to take your bottom lip in between his. When you pull away for air you have enough time to glance at the clock before Sands’ lips descend on yours again. “Get dressed,” you manage to say in between kisses. “Why? I like being naked,” Sands says pulling away a little to look you in the face. “I know you do but you need to find something to do while I prepare your surprise and it has to be something that doesn’t involve staying in the apartment, which means you have to get dressed to leave,” you tell him and watch him get up skulking from the bed and make his way over to the closet. You admire his backside while he pulls out his CIA T-Shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. He dresses quickly still grumbling and when he looks up at you, you smile sweetly and he’s tempted to go back over to you and give you a real reason to smile. “Walk me to the door?” Sands ask reaching out for your hand. At first you wonder if he has an ulterior motive, like he’s going to jump you before you get there. But not finding one in his dark chocolate eyes, you take his hand and grab your robe, slipping it on as you walk out of the bedroom. “This is unfair,” Sands says has he opens the front door of the apartment. You go into his arms and rest your head against his chest. “I wanted to have a little more fun with you.” You pull back a little to look up at him and notice the mischievous gleam in his eyes. "You can seduce me anyway you want when you get back but don’t be back until sunset," you say leaning up to bite softly on his protruding bottom lip. Sands’ eyes light up has he rubs his hands together and smirks. "You got yourself a deal, sugar-butt," Sands says bringing you in for one last kiss. You turn to go back inside and Sands smacks your ass. You jump from the sting of his hand and playfully glare at him while he smiles and leaves. You close the door and lock it before going back to your room to change and cook Sands’ favorite meal: puerco pibil. When you heard the key turning in the lock a few hours later, you were putting the finishing touches on the kitchen table. Sands’ head pops in the door and he looks around at all the candles lit in the apartment but other than that, he can’t see anything out of the ordinary. “Can I come in or am I still not welcomed?” Sands asks you with a pout. You make your way over to him and open the door wider before putting your lips on his. “You’re always welcomed here, after all you live here,” you say before letting him in completely. “So where’s my surprise?” Sands asks, looking around and noticing the intimate table setting. “Hi to you too, baby,” you say with a roll of your eyes. Sands crosses the few feet between you and bends you over backwards before his lips cover yours. He kisses you like he hasn’t seen you in years. His tongue teasingly darts in and out of your mouth before yours chases it back into his to duel. When he pulls away, you are still bent over with him keeping you from falling with his arms around your waist. You look up into his desire filled eyes and smile. “Hey sugar-butt,” Sands says huskily before nipping at your neck. “Hi,” you whisper in his ear before trying to push him away so you can direct him to the table. “Come on Jeff, it’s time for your surprise.” Sands pulls you up and you grab his hand and lead him over to one of the chairs. “This looks nice babe, and you look beautiful,” Sands says as he sits down and pulls you into his lap. You manage to free yourself before his lips can convince you to stay right there. “Close your eyes,” you whisper and Sands does as you say after looking at you suspiciously. You swipe your tongue over his full lips and his eyes shoot open. “Keep them closed,” you wait until he closes them again to grab the two plates that were covered on the stove. You set one of the plates on the setting next to Sands and the other one in front of him. “Open your eyes,” you whisper in his ear before biting gently on the lobe. Sands opens his eyes after a sharp intake of air and looks at the food in front of him and then back at you. “You made me pibil?” Sands asks in shock. You nod your head and bite your lip before placing a tequila with lime in front of him as well. “You haven’t made me pibil since the week after I moved in.” “You weren’t around to eat it,” you begin but refuse to go into that again tonight. “But I know how much you love it so I thought I would make it for you,” you say sitting down next to him. Sands covers your hand with his and leans over to kiss you, when he pulls back theirs the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on his face. “I love you,” Sands says for the second time and you love hearing those words come from his lips. “It’s only puerco pibil,” you tease. “I know but I do love you.” “I love you too, now eat it before it gets cold,” you say before digging in to your own. Sands spends the majority of the meal caressing your thigh closest to him and happily eating his food, making the occasional moan and giving a compliment here and there. You look over at him when you hear his silverware clatter onto the plate. He has a smile from ear to ear. “That was truly unbelievable,” Sands says looking over at you, intertwining your fingers. “So moist and tender, enough to kill for really,” your eyebrows shoot up and Sands chuckles. “Not you, sugar-butt, I’d never kill you.” Sands pulls you out of your chair and onto his lap. “I have something to tell you,” Sands says growing serious. “What is it?” you ask, concerned. “I got a call when I was out earlier and I’m needed in Mexico,” Sands says and looks at your face for a reaction. You take a deep breath and try to hide the disappointment but your voice gives you away. “When do you have to leave?” your voice cracks a little at the end. “Not until tomorrow, so we still have tonight,” Sands says giving you a small smile before placing a gentle kiss on your cheek and then moving onto the other. You close yours eyes on a sigh. His lips graze over your chin and nose before moving to your closed eyelids, then finally covering your mouth. During the kiss Sands sweeps off all the things on the kitchen table and you’re thankful you already blew out the candles, but still you look at him when you hear the plates crash and break on the floor. “I’ll clean it up later but for now I want you right here.” You don’t want to argue with that since you want him just has badly so you refuse to care about the broken china. Sands grabs your hips and sits you on the kitchen table in front of him. He smiles at you before slowly lifting the hem of your shirt and removing it all together, throwing it somewhere behind him. He unbuckles your jeans and drags them slowly down your body, kissing every inch of skin that is revealed to him. You watch his eyes widen in appreciation once he discards the article of clothing, you had decided to wear matching underwear for a change. Dark red, with black trimming. When he leans in to press a kiss to your lower lip, you grab his shirt and kiss him right back. He smells wonderful, like fresh laundry, soap, and a smell that is uniquely Sands. You purr and lean into him when he nips lightly at your throat. Sands’ head shoots up and he gives you a feral smile. You grab his face in both your hands and lick his ear lobe before biting down on it. Sands growls from the depths of his throat, causing a vibration to course through both your bodies. He pulls back suddenly and disrobes quicker than you’ve ever seen him do it. Sands moves towards you and begins to kiss his way down your body, aiming towards the junction between your legs. You pull his head back up to you until you are looking each other in the eyes. “I want you inside me,” you say breathlessly. In response Sands moves your legs further apart with his knee and surges inside you. You wrap your legs around his waist, urging him closer as he strokes. You place one hand on his shoulder that is rigid with strain, has your other hand roams his body and you feel the muscles under your hand jump at the caress. Your hand slides down to his lower back and pushes down, his hips bulk into yours has yours pull up towards his. Your inner muscles clench around him and he thrusts deeper causing another purr to come from your lips. The sound drives Sands crazy and he thrusts harder into you while claiming your lips in a passionate kiss. You’re rocking together so fiercely you’re sure the table was going to break from all the swaying and strain. “Jeff!” you moan out when you feel yourself slipping off the edge. He thrusts one last time, harder then he had before when he feels you milking him and he follows you over the edge. Sands collapses on top of you, both of you breathing heavy, the only movement being Sands grip tightening until it’s just short of painful. “Jesus!” Sands groans once he regains his breath. “Tell me about it,” you whisper. You start to think about how much you love this man and how thrilling it is that he loves you in return, while you regain your strength. Once you realized last night that you actually mean something to him you have been on cloud nine, he’s amazing in every sense of the word. He did everything his way but he’s funny, charming, caring, and an amazing lover. Now that the important thing was out of the way you really couldn’t complain. You would like to have him around more but he loves his job and you could never ask him to give that up, you would never ask him that. You hear a snap and bring yourself back to the present; Sands had snapped his fingers in front of your face. “What are you thinking about?” Sands asks gazing thoughtfully at you. “Nothing really, just thinking about how amazing you are in bed,” you say and watch him beam with pride. “Although I hate to tell you anything that will feed that ego more, I must admit you are pretty earth-shattering.” “Well thank you,” Sands says smugly before looking down at you tenderly. “Of course, you bring out the best in me and not only in the bedroom,” Sands adds on. “I try,” you say laughing. “But seriously, you’re the best I’ve ever had.” “Oh really, out of how many would you say?” “Forget it, babe. We are not going down that road,” you say pushing him off you until he is sitting on the chair again. You begin to gather up your clothes. “Come on, sugar-butt. I’m curious,” Sands says behind you. “Next you’ll be asking me for there names.” “And their addresses.” “You are not killing the other men I’ve slept with, Jeff,” you say sternly turning around to glare at him. “I didn’t say that,” Sands stares back at you with that innocent mask he’s been perfecting for years. “I know you.” “Fine,” Sands sighs and throws his hands up in defeat. He makes his way over to you and grabs the rest of the clothes. “Go lay down and I’ll finish up in here before coming to join you.” You nod and start to make your way over to the bedroom, Sands smacks your bare butt before you leave him and you turn around to glare at him. “You’ll pay for that,” you say trying your hardest to sound menacing. “Can’t wait,” Sands smirks. As you later lay in bed listening to Sands pick up, a horrible feeling settles in the pit of your stomach and you can’t make it stop. You know it’s there because Sands is leaving tomorrow but it’s not the normal feeling you get of worry. This is almost like a premonition, almost like you know something bad is going to happen to him. You are so lost in thought you don’t even notice when he joins you in bed until he lays his head on the cushion of your breast. “You ok?” Sands ask with a tilt of his head. “I don’t want you to leave.” “Me either, but I have to it’s my job.” “I know, I’m just scared you won’t come back to me,” you say your voice cracking midway. Sands lays down next to you and pulls you into his arm, both of you facing each other. “I will always come back to you, I promise,” he says looking you dead in the eye. When you nod in response and move closer into his embrace until your face is buried in his chest, he lets out a small chuckle. “It still amazes me how much you love me.” “I wasn’t saying it only because I love you, I just don’t want anyone to hurt your pretty face or your other wonderful assets,” you joke to lighten the mood while passing your knee lightly over his member. “Of course, I believe you,” Sands says sarcastically before adjusting you so you can’t tease him any longer. You lightly kiss him right above his heart while his hands soothingly pass through your hair lulling you to sleep. The next morning after breakfast you watch has he packs his bag, the feeling in your stomach getting progressively worse. When Sands glances over at you to see how you’re holding up, you put on a brave face. You are almost positive he sees right through it but he says nothing. He noticed also how you had almost broken down after his love making earlier. For some reason it had almost felt like it was for the last time. Sands puts the last of his toiletries into his bag and zips it up. He makes his way over to you and kneels in front. “I don’t want you worrying about me, I’ll be fine,” Sands says with his usual confidence. “I love you, it’s my job to worry,” you reply. “Don’t, nothing will keep me away from you, I promise.” “I know, just call me so I know that you’re ok.” “Every chance I get, now come walk me out,” he says before placing a light kiss on your lips and standing back up. You walk him to his car, helping him with his bags. After he places them all in the trunk, he comes back over to you and wraps his arms around you. “Be careful while I’m gone and don’t go to that bar anymore,” Sands says hugging you tighter. “Yes sir!” you say pulling back a little to give him a mock salute. “Please,” Sands growls exasperated. “I won’t, I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back,” you promise. “Good because then that way I can sweep you away to some exotic location and we can get away from all of this for a while, how does that sound?” Sands asks with a smile. “Like heaven,” you sigh and move back into his arms. “I love you.” “I love you too, sugar,” Sands says right before pulling you in for one last kiss that lasts for quite a while since you can’t seem to tear your lips away from each other. “I really have to go,” he manages to say before another kiss. Finally he pulls away and makes his way over to the driver side. “I’ll call you later,” He says through the open window and smiles at you right before he takes off. You watch his car slowly disappear until it’s completely out of sight and that gnawing in your stomach grows almost to an unbearable pain. For a brief moment you wonder if it’s more then just mounting dread before shrugging the thought away. You pray to anyone who will listen and care that you haven’t seen the last of the man you love, as silent tears escape your eyes. THE END |