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PIRATES IN WONDERLAND Author: Cheshire Pirate Disclaimer: I don't own anything accept the story line. I wish I owned the Cheshire Cat and Captain Jack Sparrow, but "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need." I'm sorry, but I don't own that either. Summary: Jack and his friends (and one person who is not his friend) get catapulted into Disney's version of Lewis Carrol's political farce. Complete and utter nonsense. Lot's of fun. Enjoy. By the way, I just thought you should know that I am playing the Cheshire Cat in this and various characters are my friends, so we kind of control what goes on with your sitch. Ha! * * * * * CHAPTER 1 "Fire!!!" Captain Jack Sparrow yelled through the wailing wind. The rain was pounding down on himself and his crew, thoroughly discouraging them. The ship across from them, the one they were fighting, was the Avenger [A/N: No surprise how I came up with that name!], captained by Hector Barbossa. At the moment a cannonball flew right by the mast of the Black Pearl. Jack glanced over at you and yelled, "Camille, we have to get them to surrender! They're relentless!" All of a sudden lightning flashed and collided with both of the ships. Your vision went black, and you slipped into sleep, while the feeling of falling through the air enveloped you... * * * * * CHAPTER 2 You suddenly crash onto the ground. It felt really hard and cold. You sit up and look at the ground beneath you. 'Strange,' you think, 'nobody has ever described Heaven or Hell as being tiled before.' You look next to you and see Jack, a cat, and Elizabeth wearing a blue dress and pinafore. "Wake up everyone!" you yell, and they do so, groaning, and look at each other. "Oh my!" Elizabeth yelled, "This dress is quite inappropriate. It shows my ankles!" "Why am I a CAT???!!!!!" Will asked, clearly very upset. Elizabeth placed him in her lap and pet him thinking he could need some comfort. Jack, who had just noticed his surroundings and Will's current state, broke out laughing. "Hey, Jack it's not that funny," you say and then look out Will and try to hold back the laughter that's welling up inside of you. You give in and join in Jack's merriment. Suddenly, above Jack's head, a giant grin appears. "Um, Jack, do you see what I see?" you say looking up. Jack looks up too and sees the grin. "What's that?" he asks curiously. Above the grin two eyes appear, followed by a whole face and then a whole body. "Jesus! It's another cat! Is that Barbossa?" Jack yells hysterically. "Beg pardon?" says the cat with an insane lilt. "Hector Barbossa, do you know where he is?" Elizabeth asks. "Where who is?" asks the cat. "Hector Barbossa," says Will. "What Barbossa?" asks the cat. "Just tell us where the bloody idiot is," says Jack. In answer the cat grabbed Jack's hat and put it on. "Look, I'm a cat in a hat. Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ahhhhhh," the cat laughed. "Hey, that's my hat, you filthy animal!" Jack yells. "Why?" asks the cat. "Because it is." "Then why am I wearing it?" "YOU stole it, you insufferable maniac cat!" "What cat?" "Just give me my hat back, cat!" "Excuse me," you interrupt, "could you tell us where we are and how we leave?" "You're in Wonderland, there really is no way to leave. I suppose it would make sense to talk to someone in the area." "You're in the area," you offer. "You should go to the Mad Hatter's house. He could help you," the cat says. Elizabeth looked a bit scared. "Isn't there anyone who isn't mad that we could talk to?" she asked warily. "You can't help talking to mad people here. We're all mad here. I suppose that's so communication between us is better, not that it makes any sense to me," the cat says. "Of course, nothing makes sense to you, does it?" you ask. "Not normally. What were we talking about?" the cat asks. "What are you?" Will asks. "A Cheshire Cat," it said lifting its ears off of its head in a gesture of politeness. Elizabeth cringed. The cat begins to disappear singing "....and the momeraths out grabe." But just before it leaves it reappears and says, "By the by, beware the Jabberwock." It then fully disappears and Jack's hat drops onto his head. "My hat!" Jack cries and hugs it before putting it back on his head. "Well, what a coincidence," you say, "there's a sign for the Mad Hatter's house." "Do we have to go?" Elizabeth asks worriedly. "Yes," the other three of you say. "Fine," she says and you all walk in that direction, not knowing why, or how you got to Wonderland, or what awaited you at the Mad Hatter's house. * * * * * You followed the sign for about a mile, you estimated, when you came to a gate and a picket fence from which poured something that looked like steam and singing could be heard. "Well, all it sounds like in there is a Tortugan tavern, which is assuridly not a bad thing. I vote we go in!" Jack says. "I second that motion," you say. "If that's as bad it gets, we might as well go in," Will says. "If this Hatter can help us get home then it will have been worth it," Elizabeth says. So you open the gate and the four of you walk in. All you can hear is two people singing horribly. "A very merry uncursed day to you." "Who, me?" "Yes, you." "Oh, me!" "A very merry uncursed day to me." "Who, you?" "Yes, me." "Oh, you!" "Let's all congradulate us with another pint of rum! A very merry uncursed day tooooooooooooooooooooooo you!!!" By the time they had finished, the four of you had sat down in chairs at the opposite end of the table, and had figured out that the steam was not steam but, in fact, smoke. As the smoke cleared a bit the two people one of whom looked like a rabbit and the other who was wearing a big tricorn hat had not noticed their uninvited guests and the four of you had discovered the source of the smoke. The source were blunderbusses that the two people were now holding to your faces. "You can't sit here," one of them says. "Yeah, there's no room," says the other. "But there are only two of you and plenty of empty chairs," pointed out Will. "We were only waiting for your hideous singing to end so we could ask you how to leave Wonderland," Elizabeth says. "Well, we isn't going to help you, is we Marchy?" says the Hatter. "No we isn't going to help you," says 'Marchy'. "Fine then, we'll leave," Elizabeth huffed, and stood up and left with the rest of you in tow. "Wasn't that good was it, luv?" Jack asks you. You shake your head to agree with him, and say, "But this is," and pull him into a kiss. "Now's not the time for that, you two," Will says. So you pull away from Jack and all of you continue to walk. TBC... |